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Tag Archives: Elton John

This Week’s Top Dangers: Mummys, Swans, and Phones

A look at what could happen in the days ahead:

Glenn Beck slays actor Brendan Fraser after mistaking the movie “The Mummy” as first wave of new Egyptian caliphate.

Oscar hype surrounding the Academy Award nominated film “Black Swan” causes a generation of young girls to develop negative body images and truly horrible taste in movies in a mass case of anorexia boredoma.

British supercomputers melt down in attempt to calculate the cost of the upcoming royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton divided by the amount Elton John will eventually charge to re-write post-divorce “Rocket Man” lyrics.

Scandal plagued Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi and Jennifer Aniston begin shooting new time travel/romantic comedy/erotica film titled, “He’s Just Not That Into You … But He Could Be, Literally, If Only You Were 14.”

Verizon introduces cool, new smartphone so tiny customers not entirely sure if they own one.

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